Scars of Time

When do we really depart from this world? Our ghosts survive our death for a long time. Maybe in shape of a photograph, a memo you wrote for you to remember to go to a meeting, which you'll never be able to go, or even a memory in somebody else's mind...

Can you face Oblivion? I certainly can't...

Can you defy Oblivion? I'll try...

Not the Same

There are times in one's life that one notices that it is, in fact, changing.

It's something strange, bizarre, ghastly, yet very comfortable. You can feel the world turning under your feet. You know that everything is in motion.

For good or for ill, nothing stays the same for too long...

Right where it Belongs

Surprisingly, I'm optimistic.

I know that's not a thing that I usually am... Nevertheless, I am. I know that too many things can go wrong, that I can lose too many others as well, but I know I can... No, I have to go on...

Not because I think I owe it to anybody. Not that I don't care about the opinions of other. I just know that I have the will and the strenght to continue. Now I know my place. I'm right where I belong.

Thank you. Thanks for your support. Thank you to be right where you belong.

Heavenly

Everything is quite well. I don't remember when was the last time I felt like this. I feel... how can I explain?

I've finally made peace with myself. I got a little... no, let me correct myself... I got a HUGE help from someone I love dearly in my life. She made me feel like I'm something that's "worth the trouble". For those who don't know me, I think that's a good thing...

I just wish that I'm not too big a trouble for those who care 'bout me...

Redemption

After I went to the very Doors of Hell, I'm back.

I think that these are the days that I've been expecting for a very long time.

I'm still tired to the bones, but I know, deep in my heart, that things will work out just fine.

I've made my redemption. I'm tired of all that I was. Of all that I tried to avoid. Of all that I really was.

I hope I'm not fooling myself again.

Still life

I'm tired... too tired to think... too tired to complain... too tired to feel... too tired to write... I'm sorry, but all I want is to get rid of all of this and find oblivion... and then... finally rest...

Ariel's Lament

What if our life spin around the consequences of one and only choice we make? How can we know what do we have to choose between and when we have to choose? Would we know when this time will come? Would we know if this time is already due past and now we only have to suffer the consequences that come from our lack of perception?

Damned in a world that will take away everything that has been good and bringing only more suffering to those that were oblivious of what was really going on in their own life... Are they to be blamed? Are they to be pitied? How can we know if we're not one of them? I know I have made some terrible choices in my life, but... How can I know if any of them was the Choice?

Sometimes, when I'm all alone and all the world around me seem to have forsaken me, I seem to know that my Choice was already made... And I know that I have failed... Is there any chance to correct the past or, even better, choose again, based in what we now know? And even if it's possible, would we know how, what and when to choose again?

The Dream Within

We try to live life like a way to fulfill our dreams. I always believed that someday, in a misty and far-away future I could finally live my Dream. Some people dream about wealth beyond measure. Other of pleasures that cannot be satisfied by only one person or only once. Others dream about changing the world and do a great good, or a great evil...

I have my dreams. I'm sure you also have yours.

Dreams might change from time to time. Desires that you see that have no reasons to be. Wishes that, once fulfilled, do not satisfy. Dreams that die from lack of faith.

I have faith. Do you have yours?

Dreams are hard to achieve, because you have to work hard. Most of the people that lives in this dying world stop fighting for the things they believe and the things they love. I've fought a lot. I've lost a lot. Losing is a part of the fight. Some times you lose...

Will I ever win?

Wish

Sometimes there aren't too many things to think about... Some times there are too many...

I wish I could hate some things of the past... If I could hate them, I would eventually forget about them, and then I could move on... That's a natural course of life... I don't think I follow ANY course at all...

There are times we want to change the past... There are times we want to see the future... All I want is to get rid of the present, because it doesn't offer me anything that I want or anything that I need...

All I need is redemption... All I need is salvation... All I need is......

The day the World went away

Today we celebrate the proof that Democracy is a failed institution.

Again, the common-sense abandon the mind of the populace, that damn themselves and cheer joyfully, blessfully ignorants of the pool of mud they sank themselves, not to say curse words or bad ones...

No... It's not possible that this can be for a reason... Not always the things that happens have a reason... There are things that even the Pendulum can't answer... The Plan can't involve everything... After all, the Templars didn't concerned themselves with this end of world continent...

I just hope that people like Casaubon, Belbo, Diotallevi or myself still have some space left in this world of Diabolics and Ignorants... after all, it's us that draw the clues of the Plan... Without us, they're doomed to wander in circles and dig the same hole over and over again...

God bless the Democracy!

Feel

Are the things we feel that prove that we exist? Sensations define our life? Can anyone live life without feeling a thing?

Is there such a thing as sentiments or emotions? Those are all eletric impulses of our brain. We cannot trust them. The world all around us can be an illusion, a divertion that keeps us to see what really matters.

Have you seen the colour of the sky lately? Did you take a walk in a grove, or felt a tree under your own touch? When was the last time you walked barefoot over the grass?

Are you really living your life?

Long Distance

Sometimes we feel like we're apart from the world around us. I don't know where this feeling come from. I don't feel it myself quite often. But it overwhelms me from time to time.

I feel like I'm watching myself as I was an actor in a second-hand movie. Do you know what I mean? As if you're reading a book about your life. You feel like you're outside the events that's happening to yourself.

Isn't life a great book, in which we're just some kind of figurants in a major story, bound to do nothing worth even mentioning it? But that kind of though set my teeth on edge... Then I remember that guy... Tidus... he was pretty pathetic, but he did said something that was valuable to me...

THIS IS MY STORY!

Sanctuary

I have to find it... I know it's out there... Somewhere...

I still can't say for sure if it's just a place, or someone, or something... But I know it's real and it's out there...

Only when I reach it and be with it I'll know why... I'll know how...

Sanctuary. Everyone needs one. I, more than anyone.

To Times Once Forgotten

Hail all... I suppose this one is a little old... I really don't know why I still have these deep urges to write on this thing...

Sometimes we get caught up on this streams of feelings, reminiscences, memories... Of times that have long ago vanished... Times of happiness or times of grief... Tangled up in our brains... Times that we've forgotten... Times we wanted to forget, but can not...

I think it's all connected to that single point in the existence that never move... That never change... I still don't know what's behind that, but I believe that the Pendulum is the answer...

Alas, I don't know if I'll take back this nonsense... And I don't know if anyone will ever read, or care, 'bout this... What I really wanted to say is that this is "To times once forgotten"...

Out of the Pit

Still burning, still alive...

Descendo em velocidades alucinantes, chego ao fim do precipício da Loucura. Sem mais poder cair, ergo-me - com as pernas visivelmente fracas - sem encontrar sustento. Tudo foi perdido, para não poder mais reparar. É hora de deixar passar. Acabou.

A superfície das paredes ao redor não são lisas. Os desníveis e ranhuras permitem que mãos e pés sejam inseridos. Timidamente começa a escalada. Ao início, as aberturas nas paredes rejeitam minhas mãos, empurrando-as para fora, como se nem ali eu fosse bem quisto. Não importa. A teimosia que sempre imperou em meu ser é o que me restou. E é a ela que apelo agora.

Lentamente a escalada se torna possível. Muito se passa até que algum ponto neste inominável e indescritível poço de loucura e desespero possa-se encontrar um ponto de apoio para todo o corpo, que dói e clama por descanço.

E cá estou. Longe de qualquer salvação, mas não completamente resignado.

Nothin' at all

Uma profusão de sentimentos, caos comprimido no pequeno recôndito de minha caixa craniana.

Em voltas sem fim, sem rumo, sem destino e sem razão, pensamentos nascem e morrem com a mesma rapidez, como relâmpagos que brotam no chão e acabam-se nas alturas do firmamento, em horizontes distantes os quais nos são inatingíveis.

Quero gritar, sem ter o que dizer.
Quero correr, sem ter para onde ir.
Quero chorar, com milhões de motivos para sofrer.
Quero sumir...

Sumir, porém, não me é permitido. Tampouco seria de alguma ajuda. Resta assistir o desenrolar desta tragédia grega cósmica e nebulosa que se instaura em plena era do conhecimento, razão e modernidade, onde todos os problemas são resolvidos com "cliques" e "deletes"...

Meander

Andando sem destino... de vez em quando gosto de sair vagando por aí, sem nenhuma razão óbvia ou motivo obscuro. Apenas colocar um pé na frente do outro, depois o outro na frente do um, e assim vai (aposto que vocês sabem como se faz).

Geralmente vemos uma miríade imensa de coisas interessantes quando fazemos uma caminhada dessas... Não por aqui... Tudo o que você pensa é "Por que raios eu me propus a sair de um lugar não tão quente para semi-rastejar debaixo desta maldita bola de fogo inclemente?"

Nada muito simpático, mas sempre é bom exercitar um pouco os músculos e sofrer um pouco para saber se ainda temos algum tipo de resistência às provações climáticas deste lugar.

I´m sickly worried 'bout how things are turning out... I´m not very fond of this outcome...

Tenho vontade de gritar... falando em vontade de gritar, termino com mais uma do Pink Floyd na cabeça...

Cloudless every day you fall
Upon my waking eyes
Inviting and inciting me to rise
And through the window in the wall
Comes streamin in on sunlight wings
A million bright ambassadors of morning

And no one sings me lullabies
And no one makes me close my eyes
So I throw the windows wide
And call to you across the sky.

Sorcerers and Seers

Finalmente o quinto e último livro de minha saga preferida! Ou deveria dizer que pena?

Finalmente o Bem e o Mal vão se confrontar pela última vez e o destino do Universo será decidido... por uma escolha... Sim!!! The Choice! como será esta escolha, não sei... mas o poder de uma escolha pode mudar muito... Eu já falei isso antes para certas pessoas, mas elas não acreditam em mim! Bem... não sou só eu que acredito no poder das escolhas...

Estou com alguns problemas em ouvir minhas músicas... Não as acho na RadioUol!! alguém poderia me mandar pro gmail algumas das músicas que já passei pra vcs? Eu vos serei eternamente grato!

Acho que meu cérebro está sendo cozido em banho-maria dentro de minha caixa craniana... 45° hoje!!! Fico imaginando se não é tudo uma ilusão... aí eu me levanto, vou até a varanda, confiro o termômetro e tenho vontade de arremessá-lo longe.... Cruel Reality...

ficando por aqui, mas querendo uma música, que em um trecho vai mais ou menos assim:

Blame it on your karmic curse
Oh shame upon the universe
It knows its lines
It's well rehearsed

It sucked you in, it dragged you down
To where there is no hallowed ground
Where holiness is never found

Paying debt to karma
You party for a living
What you take won't kill you
But careful what you're giving

Can you feel a little love
Can you feel a little love

Dream on dream on

STOP

Não me entendam mal... Estou menos pessimsta do que o de costume... tentem perceber isso pela letra do post anterior... Surely it´s depressing, but it´s also uplifting somehow! "Look at him now/He´s paler somehow/but he´s coming around"

Agora penso em outra música, que também não posso ouvir... Tudo o que ela diz é:

I wanna go home
Take off this uniform
And leave the show
And I'm waiting here in this cell
Because I have to know
Have I been guilty all this time?

Continuo esperando respostas de currículos... nada de muito diferente de quando eu estava em SP (claro que só neste aspecto)...

Preciso de chuva...

Wearing the inside out

Ainda sem computador... Quero minhas músicas... Ouçam a música que dá título a este post... Segue a letra:

From morning to night I stayed out of sight
Didn't recognize I'd become
No more than alive I'd barely survive
In a word...overrun

Won't hear a sound
From my mouth
I've spent too long
On the inside out
My skin is cold
To the human touch
This bleeding heart's
Not beating much

I murmured a vow of silence and now
I don't even hear when I think aloud
Extinguished by light I turn on the night
Wear its darkness with an empty smile

I'm creeping back to life
My nervous system all awry
I'm wearing the inside out

Look at him now
He's paler somehow
But he's coming round
He's starting to choke
It's been so long since he spoke
Well he can have the words right from my mouth

And with these words I can see
Clear through the clouds that covered me
Just give it time then speak my name
Now we can hear ourselves again

I'm holding out
For the day
When all the clouds
Have blown away
I'm with you now
Can speak your name
Now we can hear
Ourselves again

Não se preocupem... Isso passa... (At least I hope so)